Specks and Planks

Characters:

Lady Charmaine Knots:

Status: Single

Church Position: Bishop’s Secretary

Lady Lissa George:

Status: Single

Church Position: Leader of the Intercession Ministry

Lady Elizabeth Parker-Hill :

Status: Married

Church Position: Children’s Ministry Director

Lady Cynthia Johnson:

Status: Single

Church Position: Choir Director



Lady Charmaine Knots, Lady Lissa George, Lady Elizabeth Parker-Hill, and Lady Cynthia Johnson are members of the Saint’s Tabernacle of Praise in southern Mississippi under the leadership of Bishop Tommy Wright. These four women zealously serve the Lord and have been attending this church since its inception 15 years ago. They think, live, and breathe the church and have taken it upon themselves to spend time in prayer every week for the advancement and protection of this ministry. Lady Lissa is the leader of this small prayer group and they meet every Monday afternoon for prayer. The meeting place alternates between the homes of the group members, and this week it is at the house Lissa and Charmaine share.

Curtain:

Charmaine is in the kitchen taking out her spicy pumpkin pie from the oven.

Cynthia and Elizabeth are sitting in the living room for the meeting to start.

Lissa walks into the kitchen, where she finds Charmaine reaching for a stack of plates in the cupboard.

Lissa:

Charmaine, come on! Its four o’clock, let’s get this meeting started. You know we have a lot to pray about tonight.

Charmaine:

Okay, okay! Let me get out these plates for my spicy pumpkin pot pie. Is everyone here?

Lissa:

Yup. Cynthia and Elizabeth are waiting for us in the living room.

Charmaine: (scowling)

Arrgg! Cynthia is here? That fat heifer is gonna eat up all this pie with just one scoop of her pudgy ol ‘ fingers. She is so fat that the picture I took of her last Christmas is still printing!

Lissa: (chuckling)

Girl, you know you wrong.

Charmaine:

I’m just tellin the truth and you know it.

Lissa:

Truth in love Charmaine. Remember, speak the truth in love.

Charmaine:

Oh hush now, and help me carry this pitcher.

(Charmaine and Lissa enter the living room, carrying a pitcher of ice tea and pumpkin pot pie)

Charmaine: (smiling brightly)

Ooohhh! Favored women of Lawd, it so good to have you here on tonight!

Cynthia: (Sniffs the air)

Charmaine, now is that what I think it is? You know I love me some of yo spicy pumpkin pot pie!

Charmaine: (nodding)

Uhuh! I know it girl!

(Puts the platter down on the table and turns to speak to the other three women)

Now, ladies unfortunately, we are going to have to cut prayer a bit short tonight. My shift at the soup kitchen starts at six, and it is imperative that I be there on time—we are the hands and feet of Jesus ya know.

Elizabeth:

Amen! That’s from the Book!

Cynthia:

Oh Charmaine, you are such a good example of a godly woman!

Charmaine: (ducks her head and raises her hand)

Praise the Lawd, praise the Lawd!

Lissa:

Speakin of the good book ladies, didn’t Bishop out do himself again on yesterday morning?

Elizabeth: (sitting back and clapping her hands)

Oh yes, he did! I even broke my heels doin the river dance in the aisle. I could hardly contain myself!

Cynthia:

Sho’ nough! That message done fed my soul and made me want to eat some home fried chicken!

Charmaine: (gives a tight smile)

Hmm, I am sure it did, Cynthia.

(Turning to the rest of the group)

When Bishop was talkin bout specks and planks in people’s eyes, I just thanked the Lawd that He done gave me clear eyes to see the evil around me. He has anointed me to see the specks and planks that plague other people’s eyes!

Lissa:

Amen, sista!

Elizabeth:

Yes, thank the Lawd! Oh, how I just wished my bitter, back-biting, stingy ol battleaxe mother-in-law was there to hear that message! She always all up on me, criticizing my homemaking! Oooooh! I can’t stand that woman!

Lissa:

Calm down, Elizabeth. Patience—you must do as I have done, and cultivate patience in thine heart. The good Lawd promised to heap hot coals on the heads of our enemies. In fact, let us start our praying. Anybody hear any good prayer requests?

Charmaine: (solemnly)

Yes—we must pray for poor Lady Judith.

Lissa:

Judith?! What happened?

Charmaine:

Well…..ya know as the church’s secretary I hear all the prayer requests that are sent to the bishop. Well, apparently Judith caught her husband sleeping with-- (voice tappers off)

Elizabeth: (leaning in)

Sleeping with who?

Charmaine: (whispers)

Judith’s sister.

Cynthia:

No!

Charmaine: (nodding and raising her hand)

Child, I lie not. She came to the bishop sobbing and making all kinds of ruckus.

Elizabeth: (shaking her head)

I don’t know what is wrong with that woman. You think with all them degrees behind her name, she’d at least know how to keep her man. If that were me and I had me such a fine, chiseled, strong man like Tyrone, he would never be running to some other woman’s bed.

Cynthia:

Uhuh! My food would be enough to keep him!

Lissa:

Now ladies, we mustn’t covet another woman’s husband! Jesus, the maker, he is our husband. (turning to Charmaine) Good one Charmaine. Any others?

Cynthia:

All I know is that we have got to pray about the whores who think they can up in the holy house of the Lawd and worship. The tabernacle is a pure and holy place, their kind don’t belong. Didn’t you see that one prostitute who be workin the corner of Griffiths St and Sterns Ave cryin there at the altar on yesterday mornin? Next thing you know, they’ll be stealin all the married men, and causing our potential husbands to fall into lust and fornicate. We may end up with a church full of Judiths!

Elizabeth: (nodding)

I agree! Church is not a place for those sluts. Did you see the way she was dressed? Showin all her legs and even arm cleavage!

Lissa: (nodding)

Yes, yes, amen! Any other requests?

Elizabeth:

I have one. Did you all hear about Brother Larry?

Lissa: (clenching her teeth)

Larry Dupont? That no good excuse for a man that lied and cheated on me? I gave him the best two years my life. We were supposed to get married, have two children, and go to Mexico to be missionaries! Girl, you better have a good reason for bring him up.

Elizabeth: (looks sideways at Charmaine and Cynthia with raised eyebrows)

Yeah, well, a friend at the clinic told me that he tested positive for HIV last week.

Lissa: (eyes going wide, squeals with delight and claps her hands)

Oooh! Thank the Lawd! He sho does answers prayers. That is exactly what Larry deserves.

Charmaine:

Aaww! He is too fine to die with AIDS. Can you imagine that fine body covered with lesions?

Lissa:

Hey! Whose side are you on? I said he deserves it!

Charmaine:

Okay, okay! Did you hear about Deacon Fortunato?

Cynthia:

You mean the man that is always tryin to get people to give their hard earned money to the stinkin homeless? Don’t he know that those homeless people will just take the cash and buy drugs and alcohol? Some people just have no discernment!

Charmaine:

You got that right. Well anyway, he came to the bishop’s office with his thirteen year old daughter—who is now three months pregnant!

Cynthia:

Three months?! Not so fortunate now is he? (laughs out loud) Fortunato, fortunate, haha, get it?

Elizabeth: (rolling her eyes)

Oh stop it Cynthia. Now, you know that’s just a shame. A man of God is supposed to have control over his own household before he holds a position in the church.

Lissa: (shaking her head)

Tsk, tsk. I just don’t know what the church is coming to these days.

Charmaine:

All those sinners and whoremongers just comin in on Sundays and sittin in the pews—I am surprised God hasn’t struck the whole church down with lighting.

Cynthia: (nodding in agreement)

The good book says the way to heaven is narrow, only a few will get in.

Lissa:

Amen! Thank the Lawd our hearts are pure and we are the few elect that will enter his pearly gates.

Charmaine: (tapping her watch)

Ladies, it is nearing six o’clock. You know these hands and feet have got to get going.

Elizabeth: (clearing her throat)

Before we end, I just want to say I love you sisters. These times of prayer are always edifying to me and keep me alert to the traps of the enemy.

Cynthia:

Ain’t that the truth! (turns to Charmaine) Charmaine, can I have the leftover of your spicy pumpkin pot pie?

Charmaine:

Uhh, sure…. (then turns away and mutters under her breath) I just hope you don’t eat my pan.

Lissa: (Lissa glances warningly at Charmaine, then to the rest of the group)

Let us end this time of prayer. Please bow your heads ladies. (all bow their heads) Lawd, thank you for saving us. Amen.

All:

Amen!



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Matthew 7: 3-4


“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look a plank is in your own eye.”