You probably haven’t heard much about it,
You probably have no clue
Of how a war in the heart of Africa
Could be related to you.
We live in the golden age of technology,
We all have our technological addictions—
The need to imbibe information
And keep up with everyone’s actions.
We snort information through our computers,
We take injections from our phones,
We shoot up all forms of entertainment
Attempting to swallow all being shown.
The thing about our shiny gizmos and our gadgets
Is that they require a special component,
Found in the soils and mines of Congo,
Coltan—a metal that renders electronics more potent.
The mining for coltan helped kill six million in one decade,
And manufactured thousands of broken bodies—mountains of carnage.
Tens of hundreds have financed our habit with their blood—
For technology of which they will never take advantage.
Technology—an elixir,
A sedative in tough times,
We must awaken from our stupor
And stop these heinous crimes.
Our gain is Congo’s pain,
It’s another life ripped in two.
Take action. Stand for justice
For someone’s life depends on you.
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Emy,
ReplyDeletethe image of our technological privileges as drugs is quite an interesting one, but i think it shows how much America depends upon their electronical devices both for communication and happiness. In contrast, the people that are suffering in Africa are desperate for their very lives, their very survival so i liked the contrast.
"we snort information through our computers,
we take injections from our phones,
we shoot up all forms of entertainment
attempting to swallow all being shown"
interesting paragraph. the reference to drugs is a shocking one. maybe think about the different ways in which one might take a drug. i like the line with snort. good job
margaret fleming
I enjoyed reading your poem, it is a very eye-opening situation that I'm sure not many people know about. Congrats on bringing it to everyone's attention.
ReplyDeleteThe only suggestion I have is that I feel you are trying to cram too much information into this poem. The lines should say just enough to make the reader more interested, you should leave the reader curious and let them go research it themselves.
For example, your line "The mining for coltan helped kill six million in one decade" could be simply stated "six million, one decade". That statistic has enough impact alone to make the reader stop and say "wait a second.."
You are getting to preachy when you need to be informing. Your audience is obviously our generation, the problem with our generation is not only we are obsessed with technology but we also lose interest when presented with a lecture.
Stay short and shocking and everyone will listen. Great job!
Emy-
ReplyDeleteThis is a very powerful piece, however I agree with Sharla as it is very preachy. I think if you present the information the impact will happen on it's own. It was still an amazing poem and I definitely learned from it!
-kay
As I type this on my mac I feel like a bad person. It is very powerful and I really like how you handle. You might try to take out a few words to make it more concise.
ReplyDeleteEmy,
ReplyDeleteThis poem was so factual. I really appreciated what it had to say to the reader. I did not know about this product or anything about it's harvesting in Africa. I'm shocked. The one thing I would change is when you started to share those facts with us, the lines became more like sentences. If you take out some of the words, I think it would make those stanzas even more powerful and to the point. I as well liked to references to drug abuse and addiction. That was so clever and very powerful. Good work!!
-Becca