My brain hurts.
My hair is falling out.
Coherent thoughts come only in spurts,
No wonder I’m so burnt out.
I hate this time of year,
The mad rush to get it all completed,
It still remains unclear
Whether this mountain can be defeated.
If only I were a princess,
With a dozen servants at my beck and call,
I’d relinquish my stress,
And let the help handle it all.
To one I’d say, “Do my homework,”
To the other, “Go take my test,”
To the third, “Entertain me with the jerk,”
To the fourth, “Make sure my path is cleared of all pests.”
The fifth must do my laundry,
The sixth will clean my room,
“Hey! Don’t stare at me blankly!
And remember to vacuum.”
To the seventh, “Go do the dishes,”
To the eight, “Go mow my yard,
And go hand-wash my blouses—
Be delicate; don’t scrub too hard.”
To the ninth, “My car needs a new wax,”
The tenth will give me a massage,
“By the way, these documents need to be faxed,
Number eleven, go clean the garage.”
“Number twelve, did you get my game ticket?
I’ll have my breakfast in bed.
Give me crêpes—no wait, I’m on a diet,
So just bring me fruit instead.”
What?! It’s already dawn!
I meant to spend just ten minutes dreaming,
Where has the time gone?
I’ve got to get moving.
I take in the mountain,
A ridiculous amount of things to do
Down the list I go,
Check, check, check.
Thank goodness those are done.
Hopefully sometime this century,
I’ll be able to go out for some fun.
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Emy, oh my goodness, I really like this poem. Extremely relatable, and comical too because the reader realizes two things:
ReplyDelete1) wow, my to-do list has that many tasks to complete
and
2) i really need to get mine done too.
hahaha. but anyway, on a more technical note, when writing in organized stanzas, make sure to stay in organized stanzas. otherwise, the poem becomes free verse (and that's great if this is what you intended). but if not, it's just something to be aware of.
voice is quite evident in this poem though, clearly capturing the "I" and all of the many, many stresses and tasks. I also appreciated the details, not just breakfast but crepes, not just laundry, but delicate blouses... etc. good work.
Melanie Hyche
Boy do i feel this way right now. haha i like this a lot. i think the overall rhythm of the poem shows the feeling of an overwhelmed, over committed, college kid. and i know it appeals to the reader, since we are all college students. i also really enjoyed the way you ended the poem.
ReplyDeletei was going to comment upon the fact that had a 2line stanza, unlike the rest, that sort of makes the reader stop "i take in the mountain, a ridiculous amount of things to do." you could even combine this with the last stanza to make for a uniform structure. however, you might have to stick to a 4line stanza, which would mean you would need to shorten the last stanza. i dont know. these are just suggestions and thoughts. but overall, great job, i really enjoyed the humor of it.
margaret fleming
Hi Emy, I really liked your three poems. The Congo poem was my favorite for several reasons--its subject, its serious note, and its use of technology as an addiction. The rhyme is strong; for my taste, too strong. I suggest, though, reshaping some of your lines. There is overall an irregular pattern to line length which seems a bit too uneven. Try keeping them generally the same length. Take out some of the weaker words, like prepositions and conjunctions. My next favorite was the last "to Do" poem, which we call can identify with. Again, I would suggest trying to make your lines denser by compacting and even omitting words. Personally, I like mixing stanzas of different length, like the two-line stanza. I would drop some of the rhymes, though. I look forward to our discussion. dw
ReplyDeleteEmy! This poem was wonderful and definitely something everyone can relate to. (now I'm stressing about MY to-do list!) The only thing is to keep things a bit more organized but other than that it was awesome!
ReplyDelete-kay
Emy,
ReplyDeleteThis poem was really fun and light hearted. It definetly relates to feelings we all have! There are so many times I wish I could give all of my tasks to someone else. This is really small but in the third stanza you end the line with "and let the help handle it all." I would make it sound more forceful because you are ordering them around. You aren't really letting them you are making them. It would just help the tone stay more consistent.
My favorite line of this poem is "I take in the mountain." Nice metaphor for "the big to do" people accomplish, or don't, every day. This poem is especially relatable to college students.
ReplyDelete